Drained by my own version of the great depression

Uncomfortable to live in what ‘others called’ my body

Unable to appreciate – really appreciate a complement

Even the really warm ones, let speechless

Not knowing what to say, what to do with myself or who to address

Concerns like these leaves me feeling behind, undressed my everyone’s eyes

Unfortunate to me intact with my conscience yet at the same time well aware

That this also functions as my human-detector, makes me sane, grounded and humble

Qualities I was blessed with by my mother, qualities I’ll bring with me wherever I go

I change for those who I love, I change to better my future

However, it’s starting to feel like I’ve turned in to a fraction of what I was destined to be

I’ve changed so much that I no longer know how to stop this invert evolution

Transforming myself while having the feeling that it’s all not real

Like it’s not really happening to me – the real me – but an imaginary version

Convincing myself that I wouldn’t, couldn’t ever act like that, feel like this

When in fact I time after time catch myself doing exactly what I scoil

At others for doing – the classical; ‘you know better than that’

I might know better, but I never do better

I recognize when I’ve made a mistake, not even afraid to point at my flaws

Yet I’m unable to correct them or prevent them from reoccurring

No, it’s as if I get a pass for repeating mistakes if I’ve committed them before

‘Cause than I get the chance to beat myself up for let myself suffer like that

In my mind I conclude if I made the mistake I have to pay my dues

By not forgiving myself or others that were involved in my mistakes


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