Fortunately feeling sure of what this moment means…

As a child and teenager too

I’ve dealt or tried to with similar situations

First it was my father not existing, existing, to then silently existing

Hoping that the next train station would be us co-existing

Not even caring if the part where we are silent is included

Second time was when my brothers became absent

During the cross-over-period from innocents to pure curiosity

I occasionaly spend time at the stop for confused and heartbroken souls

More recently was when I met someone different than the ones before

Maybe even the ones after, afterwards sadly coming to turns with

The fact that as perfect as everything did seem

Something was still missing…

That may not have anything to do with me – after all

Or it could be a culmination – deadly combination – of it all

Baggage does sometimes travel glued to its owner

Deluding you till you only see one kind of image

Imagining more than what is sane to do

Inner demons don’t get persuaded

At least not mine – they recoup – try to cope with it

Deceived by nothing as long as they stick by themselves

Gathering all that is found in the lost-and-found shelf

Sheltering no one anymore

Rescue seeking refuge in intimate flings no longer fills

Refill has for a long time not come at a cheap prize

Prizing  my ‘in love moment’ the more expensive prize range

Yet it still awaits, awakened it might not be yet

The moments still repeats itsels,

Like an exercise with pupose of refinishing the art of  repetition

Repeating the repeated moments..

Where your faced with despair

Where your desires aren’t met

Where you no longer see right from wrong

Sadened by what you see…

A heart in an unknown hand – holding, maybe even scewsing it!


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